I want to make sure that all the items he mentioned about what a parent should do to his/her children, has done by me or my husband.
The first thought I had when I read the articles for the 1st time is .. that as a parent, I already understand all the things Mr.Barry Lee wrote on his article & that those things are not too difficult to do. But then I thought .. Really ? Have I treated my children right ?
Well .. Let me start "my 1st confession" as a parent & a mother .. :-)
Communication
I have 2 children who like to tell me everything. It seems like .. every single thing they see, hear, or experienced is something "bizzare" & should be told to their parents or friends or grandmother & grandfather, or anyone else !
When I pay more attention to their stories .. actually, they are so interesting & funny ! Because I can see how is my children "see" & hear their opinion about things that might be abstract or "too mature" for them. But I admit .. I am quiet often not provide reasonable portion of time for them to do it, because I do not want to be disturbed when I take a rest or enjoy my time doing something I like (on my break time) .. Too bad, because sometimes it makes them canceled their intention to share with me & would rather share with their father or friends. Then .. I lose a chance to know a part of my children development. But usually, I pay this mistake by taking them to a place that I know they like & spend my time with them doing things we enjoy together, including tell our stories to each other. It helps me to reduce my guilt & help my children to forgive their mother.
Trust
I believe, every children .. basically, trust their parents. If they do not, it must be because of something their parents do which make it missing.
I try to keep my children trust to me by telling them the truth about everything & fulfill the promise I have made.
But sometimes .. because of something, it can not be done. For example .. When I objected to giving pocket money to my children & they asked me the reason .. I told them : it is because I do not have the money. They protest, because they have ever seen in my wallet that there are a few thousand rupiahs.They thought a few hundred rupiahs is enough to buy some snacks or a toy they want & it will not spend all of my money. I told them that it is true .. that I have some money, but the money is not for that, but to buy our needs, such as rice, side dishes and more. They were looked disappointed, but tried to understand. Then I promised them .. that when I have more money, I will take them to an ice cream cafe & buy a cup of ice cream & a plate of fried potatoes for each of them. Then .. everyone was happy !
Quality Time
I think quality time is related to communication. I mean .. The more you provide your time to have a quality time with your children, the more you have quality communication with them.
One of my concern about quality time is .. the quality time between my children & their father. Why ? Because he spends 5 days (from Monday to Friday, from 7 AM to 7 or 11 PM) in the office & sometimes he even can not meet his children awaken.
I always try to find something we can do together on weekend, such as .. shopping to a hypermart near our house, sometimes just to buy some snacks, only for an hour or less. Or having lunch or dinner in a cafe. Or even just watch a movie on DVD, at home.
There was a time when my husband objected to always doing such things like that, for a reason : he wants to spend the whole weekend to take a rest, because he is so tired of working. I was so upset & sad, especially when he rejected his son's wish to play badminton with him, because he wanted to sleep all day. But I am so grateful to God .. because after I told him that things like he did can take his children to restrain from him, until one day he will lose him .. my husband was changed a lot. & now .. even when he is tired, I can see that he tries to provide some of his breaking time to be spent with his family, especially with his children.
Preach that you Practice
Talking is easier than acting, isn't it ? :-D
I admit .. I am quiet often doing that. Hehehe .. Especially when I asked my children to do right things, but I do not do the same things. (Ou .. I am so ashamed admitting this ..)
For example : I asked them to pray as soon as the "adzan" (read : a call to pray) heard, but me .. ?? I pray after half or an hour or even longer than that after the adzan. Mostly, because I still have to do a few things such as cooking or cleaning something or anything else, or even just taking a break after doing "housewives stuffs".. But the point is : I do not pray as soon as the adzan heard, just like what I told my children to do. & that seems "strange" for the children.
Well .. the answer of this matter is : fixing the NATO (No Action Talk Only). :-D
Right ??
Punishment and Rewards
Communication
I have 2 children who like to tell me everything. It seems like .. every single thing they see, hear, or experienced is something "bizzare" & should be told to their parents or friends or grandmother & grandfather, or anyone else !
When I pay more attention to their stories .. actually, they are so interesting & funny ! Because I can see how is my children "see" & hear their opinion about things that might be abstract or "too mature" for them. But I admit .. I am quiet often not provide reasonable portion of time for them to do it, because I do not want to be disturbed when I take a rest or enjoy my time doing something I like (on my break time) .. Too bad, because sometimes it makes them canceled their intention to share with me & would rather share with their father or friends. Then .. I lose a chance to know a part of my children development. But usually, I pay this mistake by taking them to a place that I know they like & spend my time with them doing things we enjoy together, including tell our stories to each other. It helps me to reduce my guilt & help my children to forgive their mother.
Trust
I believe, every children .. basically, trust their parents. If they do not, it must be because of something their parents do which make it missing.
I try to keep my children trust to me by telling them the truth about everything & fulfill the promise I have made.
But sometimes .. because of something, it can not be done. For example .. When I objected to giving pocket money to my children & they asked me the reason .. I told them : it is because I do not have the money. They protest, because they have ever seen in my wallet that there are a few thousand rupiahs.They thought a few hundred rupiahs is enough to buy some snacks or a toy they want & it will not spend all of my money. I told them that it is true .. that I have some money, but the money is not for that, but to buy our needs, such as rice, side dishes and more. They were looked disappointed, but tried to understand. Then I promised them .. that when I have more money, I will take them to an ice cream cafe & buy a cup of ice cream & a plate of fried potatoes for each of them. Then .. everyone was happy !
Quality Time
I think quality time is related to communication. I mean .. The more you provide your time to have a quality time with your children, the more you have quality communication with them.
One of my concern about quality time is .. the quality time between my children & their father. Why ? Because he spends 5 days (from Monday to Friday, from 7 AM to 7 or 11 PM) in the office & sometimes he even can not meet his children awaken.
I always try to find something we can do together on weekend, such as .. shopping to a hypermart near our house, sometimes just to buy some snacks, only for an hour or less. Or having lunch or dinner in a cafe. Or even just watch a movie on DVD, at home.
There was a time when my husband objected to always doing such things like that, for a reason : he wants to spend the whole weekend to take a rest, because he is so tired of working. I was so upset & sad, especially when he rejected his son's wish to play badminton with him, because he wanted to sleep all day. But I am so grateful to God .. because after I told him that things like he did can take his children to restrain from him, until one day he will lose him .. my husband was changed a lot. & now .. even when he is tired, I can see that he tries to provide some of his breaking time to be spent with his family, especially with his children.
Preach that you Practice
Talking is easier than acting, isn't it ? :-D
I admit .. I am quiet often doing that. Hehehe .. Especially when I asked my children to do right things, but I do not do the same things. (Ou .. I am so ashamed admitting this ..)
For example : I asked them to pray as soon as the "adzan" (read : a call to pray) heard, but me .. ?? I pray after half or an hour or even longer than that after the adzan. Mostly, because I still have to do a few things such as cooking or cleaning something or anything else, or even just taking a break after doing "housewives stuffs".. But the point is : I do not pray as soon as the adzan heard, just like what I told my children to do. & that seems "strange" for the children.
Well .. the answer of this matter is : fixing the NATO (No Action Talk Only). :-D
Right ??
Punishment and Rewards
Actually, I am a fierce mother. Gggrrrhh ..!! I like speak strongly & loudly. Sometimes, I speak "spicy" or "sharply", even to my children.
But it does not mean I do not love them. Actually, because I am also a quiet "paranoid" mother, who does not want to see something bad happen to my children or something bad is done by them, I became "hard" to them.
But deep in my heart .. I want to be the opposite. I do.
So, I started trying to be more tolerant to my children. Not only see the bad things of them, but also see the good things.
I began with accepting that my children is still learning, so making a mistake is normal.
I also try to teach myself to be fair to my children. For example : when they do not play the rule of time sharing (that is approved with us) between doing their obligations (to do their homework, study, read "Qur'an" and more) & their rights (to play or have fun with computer or watching TV), they will lose 10 minutes of playing games on computer or PS for each mistake they do. (They have 120 minutes to play games on computer or PS in a week. It can be used on Saturday & Sunday afternoon, 60 minutes for each day). But if they can memorize the lesson they get at school in a week on Saturday, I will buy them a book they like.
Well .. Now, you can see that I am still far from perfect, even good, as a mother. But everytime I wake up in the morning, I always pray .. have an intention .. hope for God to help me .. that today, I can improve myself & my ability for my beloved children, because they are God's gift to me.
So .. what is your story ?? Feel free to share with me & other mothers .. around the world. Just send me your story by e-mail to a_febrin@asia.com. I will post it here .. on my blog, as soon as possible.
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